Don’t forget to watch my buddy and opening act @PatMcAfeeShow on NFL AM on the @NFLnetwork. See if you can tell he’s wearing a diaper.
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Hey, let’s all keep acting like we are not going to die from Ebola. Sleep well, my darlings.
Combos are like the cross trainer of junk food.
How DARE the people in the hotel room next to mine selfishly have a conversation at 2pm! Don’t they know it’s time for my 2nd nap! #savages
Dear Media,What else about George Clooney getting married will I not care about?
SEEN ON TV: If you preorder FOOD: A LOVE STORY you get this JIM GAFFIGAN FOOD MAP placemat
So fun doing a reading (“Say Cheese”) from FOOD A LOVE STORY on this eps of @wits with @johnmoe & @reggiewatts
An important literary interview!
I’m like the Ray Donovan of feeling horrible in the morning. #5am #totillaChips
I love spending time with my kids. Not as much I love them when they are sleeping.
It’s so cute how my 2 year old asks, “Can I have more guacamole?” Too bad I don’t feel like sharing.
Watch this video of me being interviewed by one of my favorite foods! (Scroll down)
Happy back to flu season!
Waking up early is so depressing they don’t even serve salads at breakfast.
Sydney, Australia for some reason they are letting me perform at the Opera House. Tickets available here.
Yeah, but when is Derek Jeter going to fix our ISIS problem?
Interesting Fact: Traffic from the United Nations is the major cause of NYC violence.
Just saw a very pregnant lady yelling at a guy and it felt strangely familiar. cc @jeanniegaffigan
My @nfl days with the @colts
Shows coming up in Fresno, SLC, Sydney (AU), Chicago, Dallas, Austin, Atlanta, Boston, LI JimGaffigan.comI love you most
How many college credits do we get for watching OUTLANDER?
If you preorder FOOD A LOVE STORY (hardback or ebook) before 9/30 you get this beautiful placemat & my love
Eating a croissant is probably the most efficient way to cover yourself in crumbs.
Remind me to list “reheating coffee” as a special skill on my resume.
Now if you preorder FOOD: A LOVE STORY you get a Jim Gaffigan Food map placemat. Yes, a PLACEMAT! Read here.
Like most fathers, I’m like the Cato Kaelin of parenting. #GuestHouseWhileShesWithTheKids
Most mornings I feel like @AnnaKendrick47 in that “Cups” video except I’m not coordinated and I can’t sing.
Besides the arguments with my wife , I’m undefeated at home.
Traveling with five little kids is like traveling with five little kids.
If you enjoyed “Dad Is Fat”, please consider preordering my new book “FOOD: A Love Story” from your favorite bookstore.
CALIFORNIA - six shows coming up. Agua Caliente Casino NOW on sale
LONG BEACH – my 12/4 show at Terrace Theater is now on sale. Hope to see you there. @goldenvoice
When is there going to be a male Miss America? Maybe an out of shape, balding, pale one?
TEXAS - just to clarify. I’m NOT doing oddball shows this weekend. I’m in Dallas (10/22) and Austin (10/23)
There should be an iPhone alarm noise of screaming children for homesick parents.
I’m still thinner than Santa.
CALIFORNIA– Shows in Long Beach, Palm Springs, Pala (2nd) just added.