FOOD: A LOVE STORY is available today at your favorite bookstore! Please go buy 12 copies! (I knew I should have named it KILLING FOOD)
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Just a reminder nobody cares how many languages you speak.
Isis Ebola would be a horrible name for a baby!
Whenever I get an email with TIME SENSITIVE in the subject. I always get right to it after I write and post this tweet.
NYC – I’ll be at the Union Square Barnes & Noble at 7pm chatting with @MarioBatali & signing copies of FOOD: A LOVE STORY. Hope to see you.
Peyton Manning continues to make video games look boring.
Interesting Fact: That song “Dancing on the ceiling” was actually about ceiling dancing.
Dallas & Atlanta (2nd show added) I’m doing shows in your city next week.
“How would you like to be Ebola czar?”“Um, ok. Thanks?”
I remain surprised the way the word surprised is spelled.
If you enjoyed DAD IS FAT and have not preordered FOOD: A LOVE STORY, I assume you are member of ISIS.
I’ve been in Australia for two days and it so different than that movie “Australia”. Granted I’ve only been in Sydney.
NYC, CHI, Dallas, Austin, ATL, BOS, LI & KC– I have stand up shows + FOOD: A LOVE STORY book events in your cities
I’m really looking forward to show the video of my 8-year-old son dancing to Gangnam Style at his wedding. #parenting #dance #goals #cruelty
Been in Sydney for an hour. Everything is different here. A retweet goes the other way in Australia!
Eastern TN tickets NOW available for purchase for my show on Oct 26 at Freedom Hall. Book signing following the show
Sydney, Australia - I’m doing 3 shows this week and 1 book event. Come say hi
I have a connecting flight in Dallas and the pilot refuses to swing by my terminal and drop me off! #obama
Just saw Mitt Romney at the Des Moines airport. He acted like he wasn’t excited about FOOD: A LOVE STORY.
Family gatherings are a great place to have a conversation you don’t want to have AGAIN.
"How about a sandwich that tastes like nothing and make you look like a snob?" - pitch for the cucumber sandwich
Full stand up show + FOOD: A LOVE STORY signings in Dallas, ATLANTA & Long Island
A steakhouse is just a Chuck E Cheese for adults.
I really enjoyed talking with @LouieAnderson on his podcast. Have a listen
Inviting me to an event where I have to wear a coat and tie remains one of the cruelest things someone has ever done to me.
NEW YORK CITY – FOOD: A LOVE STORY signing & convo with @MarioBatali 10/20 at Union Square B&N. Reminder here
Being awake is the hardest part of the day for me.
Is there a leather bound collectable autographed version of FOOD:A LOVE STORY available?
I’m taking a #Stand4Heroes to help injured veterans Nov 5 @thegarden @NYComedyFest. Join me, @louisck, @springsteen @mulaney @iamjonoliver
I was passed over for a Nobel Peace Prize AGAIN this year. That thing is rigged obviously.
SLC Mormons after General Conf today, grab a cup of coffee or a beer and come see me at Abrevanel Hall. I love u.
Until 10/7. You can get an autographed personalized a copy of FOOD: A LOVE STORY for your son, mom, dad, sister or dog here.
Interesting Fact: 90% of all storage units are “kill rooms” for serial killers.
Sorry I haven’t told you to preorder FOOD: A LOVE STORY in a day. I got distracted. Go here
Just a reminder emoji symbols are for children and cavemen. #HeDidnt #HeDid